the hardest part about having a newborn again is preventing the over enthusiastic pokes and prods of affection from his older brother. we are lucky. otto seems to suffer a bit of reflux, but sleeping in the rock and play works just fine. he takes a pacifier and his brother never did. still nurses nicely. two week doctor appointment wednesday. i hold him as much as i can. i'm not certain on that "newborn smell" everyone talks about, but i love the smell of his milky breath. that's weird probably, but i'm his mom and whatever.

orion asks, "where's baby?" all the time. he loves to kiss otto's head and point out his nose, eyes, hands, and feet. sometimes orion comes and sits next to us while we nurse and puts his head on my shoulder. i am grateful he is mostly accepting. sometimes he is a little impatient, but such is the nature of toddlers.

sleep isn't wonderful, but it's enough when it comes and it could be worse. i seem to remember it being worse last time.

i always marvel that i never seem to suffer from baby blues or postpartum depression when much of my teenage/college years were plagued by terrible depression and anxiety issues. i have a few theories of why this is, but i still find it curious and i'm thankful everyday that the worst my mood gets these days is cranky or teary with exhaustion.

i find myself thinking a lot about how much i love these kiddos and how much i love mike. some dopey song came on the radio when i was driving to my parents last week and i just cried over how lucky i am because i really don't think i deserve all this. i'm very very thankful that life led me to this place, even if it's a quieter existence. of course, once in awhile i bemoan privately about "the way things used to be" but i think everyone has those times. having a little family of my own is way more fulfilling and wonderful than i ever dreamed it would be. i'm crazy about it.

one of the best parts of not being pregnant anymore is being able to lay on my back. it feels indescribably good.

1. No baby yet.

2. Doctor's appointment at 10:15 this morning. I do have an induction date set up already-7pm on the 7th. My family will be visiting starting on the 5th so I'd like to try and have him here for plenty of visiting time while they are around! I will probably ask for a membrane sweep today as well.

3. The heavens parted and the grace of God shined upon me this morning: two new seasons of Daniel Tiger episodes available for free on my Amazon Prime. I am positively giddy over this.