in which i write in a somewhat different way but i hope you'll bear with me (+ Christmas photos).

this is how it always used to be. stream-of-conscious. no time for capitals. no explanations.

i see 5:55 all the time. it means a change. a positive change. i sure hope so. i feel like i've been removing crusty sleepers from my eyes lately. i've been scared a lot but i feel like maybe i am starting to turn the corner on that. the 555's have helped. everything with my body has been setting me off lately since the kidney stone incident. the weather fluctuations have me feeling under, the lack of sleep from nursing and enjoying the holidays has taken it's toll. i need to get back to a safe place where i can say "it is well with my soul." i heard that "rumination" causes anxiety and depression and i certainly ruminate too much. i'd like to stop!

it's been quiet in the house the past day and night without all the boys here. did i ever think i would miss the noise? and yet...

here are some photos from Christmas and the holiday season thus far:

Painting after being inspired by Bob Ross on Netflix

Out shopping with Dad for Christmas dinner

Hunting for the pickle on the Christmas tree

 Cookie Time

 Otto's new blocks from Papa and new Pirate Ship from Santa

"Manty" the praying mantis! Orion's new BFF

 Christmas Dinner was Chicken Picatta, but I forgot to make the fried lemon slices.

 Another Christmas gift was kid-safe knives for the boys. We tried them out with pears at breakfast a couple days ago.

Luna, happy as usual :) 

there are no photos of me winning a close game of scrabble, which also happened, or of many other small happy moments i am trying to carry close to my heart. even when things are hard, they aren't so hard that in a year i'll be upset over them still. keep calm and carry on is what i'll tell myself. look at that smiling baby and those wonderful boys. who wouldn't consider them the best gifts of all time??